On Saying "No" to Leveraging; Choosing to Offer True Friendship

Admitting one's faults and desiring to grow are admirable choices. When we look at ourselves and see issues or turmoil which we need to address, it is wise to do so. At the same time, there are pitfalls to avoid.

A true friend, when you admit to a struggle or fault, will not use it as leverage. As in, "Well, if you have that problem, then you have to... (pick something you do not want to do) because you are not worthy of (the best, what you actually wish for, etc.)."

Now don't misunderstand me, if your friend tells you that you need to address your problem and get help if needed, they are indeed being a friend. But the person who tells you to just throw away your own feelings and desires, because of ANY issue you are facing, is instructing you in the art of slow suicide. Let me explain.

Physical suicide is a tragedy, devastating to not only the person who commits it but to everyone who cares about or depends on them. It is not, however, an untraceable tragedy. No happy, healthy person decides to destroy himself or herself one day, and does it the next. It is a slow process--the process of not caring.

A person who feels discouraged about life may decide they don't care about this or that choice that they have in front of them and just choose randomly or go with whatever is easiest. Then they are stuck with a choice they did not put much thought or heart into and therefore do not really like very much. If not caught and reversed, this can escalate into a spiral downwards into further passivity. Count on it, a person who is discouraged will be tempted to settle for choices they would never consider in any other frame of mind.

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If you are the friend of a discouraged person, try to gently remind them to be true to their heart. If they have already made choices otherwise, in a weak moment or under unreasonable pressure, be a true friend by encouraging them NOT to return to decisions they regret--even if there is a cost involved. Remember, climbing out of passivity is a battle. It must be fought, internally, every step--so every step backwards means an even longer time getting to freedom. You wouldn't want that for yourself, so don't wish it either on anyone you would call "friend."

Finally, if you are the friend of someone who is discouraged, or has been in the past, you deserve to know that you are a hero! People like you are sorely needed in these times. A true friend is worth more than any possession, for no possession can warm the heart when one is lonely, sad, or discouraged. And because you care about your friend enough to tell them the truth, you may well see them able to grow, flourish, and thank you for your care. From one friend to another, that's the best reward there is. :)

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What to do when your god throws a tantrum

Normally titles are capitalized except for the "little" words. I broke that rule of grammar this time, to make sure it was obvious I am referring to "gods" and not to God, Who made and owns all, and Who has absolutely no need to "throw fits" as power-hungry toddlers and other earthly despots are wont to do.

The simple answer to the above, is, of course, to find a new god (or if you really want the truth, to find God). It is actually a favor to us when the people we idolize prove that they aren't quite so deserving. It is our wake-up call to look higher.

And when we look higher, it becomes evident that we missed so much by setting our sights on mere humans to enervate and inspire our lives. It is shameful when we begin counting the vastness of opportunities missed by idolizing a person and forgetting the God who is so much greater and created both us and them. When your god throws a tantrum is when you start realizing this very clearly.

The idea is scary, but when someone you idolized and shouldn't have starts being really really stupid, it can actually be a really reassuring pointer to the sovereignty of God, since God sees what is happening, will set it right in His own way and time, and obviously is not touched by the integrity deficiencies that we humans tend to be so bound by. When you see that the reason for the wrath against you is because of how powerless the one wielding actually is, it becomes reassuring: God is bigger. Why fear?